STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
