Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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