K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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