I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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