Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
