I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
