if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had to cum in my sink.
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