dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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