how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
