Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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