Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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