i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
