I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
