he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize