So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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