No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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