ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
