need another drink. this is the easiest way
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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