Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
