I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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