1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
