dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
