My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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