and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
