A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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