I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
