he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
