that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
