He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize