if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
