I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
