My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
