I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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