I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
