I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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