guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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