My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
