She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
