I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
