Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
