so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
