Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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