The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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