So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
