try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
