Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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