i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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