are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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