Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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