All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
