i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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