Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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