Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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