I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
