I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Never underestimate the power of titties
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
