Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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