Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
