so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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