I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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