i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
