Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
