i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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