omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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