I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
