It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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