got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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