I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
