I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
