I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
