k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
