Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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