Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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