I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
