this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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