I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
