I'm so fucking centered right now
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My nipple is on Facebook.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
