I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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