apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sarcasm needs its own font
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
