she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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