If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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