I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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