This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
