we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
