One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
