Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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