he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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